GO TELL MOM – Episode 2 – Back-to-School Boogie
Students this month will be swarming out of their (relieved) parents’ homes and into awaiting schools, ready to start a new year and reconnect with old friends.
My kids always had mixed feelings about it. Especially my son, who usually was frantically tapping at our PC keyboard in the den, trying to crank out a much-delayed essay for gifted English, while looking forward to reconnecting with his pals the following week.
Other kids would be doing last-minute reading that was optimistically suggested by their teachers as the children departed for what they thought would be an endless summer.
Time’s up. Or nearly. And not just for the kids.
My own plans to get my children back on track - and into some good organizational habits - never seemed to pick up steam. Maybe it had something to do with my somewhat futile efforts to keep my son away from his computer game “Steam,” and keep my daughter from strumming guitar and singing at the top of her lungs in the other room.
Then again, threats to withhold said game are exactly what it took to get my son to finish that essay. And my daughter now works for a music publishing company.
Many teachers worry about the “lag” in learning that pops up after vacation, and try to give guidelines to students and parents to combat it, such as recommended reading. My son chose to put off his recommended reading and spend time with his computer. I could have been worried, but along with learning some new games, he taught himself some computer programming skills that would come in handy in his upcoming high school and college courses.
My daughter wasn’t as stressed about upcoming studies as she was about her school wardrobe.
Ah, yes. The joys of a mom trying to outfit her budding young woman for the school year without blowing her budget or her cool. An impossible task, you say?
You’d be right.
After two shopping trips, and three arguments with her, I sent her out with her dad. Amazingly, he would return and was still speaking to me. Maybe because he went shopping for himself, while he was at it.
As long as my son had a couple of new pairs of jeans and a new pair of sneakers, he was good to go.
My next task was to go over lists of school items needed for each class (which was provided for my daughter, but not for my son,) and guesstimate what they’d require that didn’t make the list.
Yes, there was a midnight emergency trip to Walmart in my future. That’s despite following the checklist from healthparkpediatrics.com that suggested the basics. Those basics included pencils, pens, markers, crayons, notebooks, folders, binders, tissues, hand sanitizer, and a backpack to load it all into. Inevitably, there would be at least one oh-my-God item the teachers would insist students need, like a $150 calculator. And of course, I bought the wrong one and had to return it.
My other last-ditch effort was to convince both kids that midnight is not their regular bedtime. You’ll remember last episode I emphasized that kids need plenty of sleep - at least 8-to-10 hours each night - to be alert in the classroom. I would spend the week before the start of school trying to get them to bed earlier; when the experts would tell me that I never should have let them stay up later during summer to begin with.
The experts obviously never heard of a two-day sleepover, which was the highlight of my son’s summer, as well as his friends’.
Truth is, kids really do need a break from their studies from time to time, before it’s time to buckle down again. Sage Journals says leaving school for a period of time can have significant effects on students’ academic success, with many kids saying they return energized and motivated. I’m not suggesting taking a year off, but taking a break from studies can give some kids renewed vigor when they go back to class. The drawback? They lose structure. So, it's always helpful to have them do something during the summer that gives them a little structure.
My kids would do some form of camp for part of the summer, usually with the theatre group around the corner, or with one of the rec centers in town. I credit the rec center for their ability to cook; my ex rarely encouraged me to get in front of a stove. But there was a mock cordon bleu-style camp that the rec center came up with for a week one summer, and the kids learned the basics of cooking something edible (without using every pan in the kitchen) while attending gourmet cooking camp.
We used to have home ec classes for that, but hey, that’s school, not camp, and camp is fun, right?
You could also get the kids into an exercise routine with specific workout instructions at specific times. Just try to be a little flexible. In a structured way.
If you still have some time left in your summer.
Once you have the start of the school year officially in your viewfinder, what’s next, oh Wonder Parent?
HealthPark suggests setting up a study space, which I found was a great idea for my crew. Each of my kids had their own desk, in their room, with a bookshelf next to it. I was one of those parents who didn’t let my kids have a computer or TV monitor in their room to distract them from sleep or study. And no, they did not have their own cell phones until they were working while in high school. And they were not allowed to be on their cells socially, so phones were parked in the kitchen when they got home.
A comfortable chair in front of that desk, space for books, and good lighting are the most important features of that study space. Of course, now so many teachers expect students to do homework on computers, especially since COVID, it’s kind of tough to prevent them having access to something that also provides tempting entertainment. But honestly, if the family computer is a PC or Mac in a public space - like the kitchen - instead of a laptop in their room, they’re less likely to drift onto social media when they’re supposed to be doing homework.
Then of course, there are the medical forms on which you need to double-check. Find out if there are certain shots needed for the grade your child is entering, and make sure they have them. We had one frantic summer after we moved where we were trying to get a tetanus shot for the kids, which was not required in the school system in our previous state. Your best bet is to log onto “immunization requirements” for your state and get an appointment with your doc pronto if your kids don’t have them all. Seriously, they were not going to let my daughter attend class without that shot…turns out, my son got his for scouts the year before, and fortunately, it was on his medical record.
Childmind.org also suggests giving your kids’ teachers a heads-up if there’s anything going on at home that might affect your child’s learning this fall. If you’re stretched thin and juggling other responsibilities, if your child is having a hard time sharing a computer with your other kids, if they’re struggling socially — whatever it is, knowing the situation will make it easier for teachers to be sensitive to your child’s needs. If they’re on medication, you’ll need to notify the teacher and the school nurse.
So now let’s get into how you get kids excited about their return to classes. I remember being terrified about starting high school. My mom and I ran into the president of the class ahead of me, who was shopping with her mom at the same store. Janet was one of the most popular kids in school, and not the least bit snobby. When my mom mentioned I was nervous, she grinned and told me not to be. “Just join everything you can. You’ll meet new people and make lots of friends.” And she was right. I used the same advice when I went to college.
Going up a grade usually opens new opportunities. Do a little homework yourself and see what those opportunities are before classes start. Child Mind Institute points out that by demonstrating your interest in your kids’ school life, you’re showing them school can be exciting and interesting.
Don’t be afraid to help them paint the big picture. I teach at a community college and advise students, and the first thing I ask them, in class or in an advising session, is “where do you want to be when you’re outta here?” Yes, I get a lot of blank looks – at first. But then you probe a little more gently. “What makes you happy and satisfied when you’ve finished the task?” That gets them thinking – and dreaming. And they come back with something like, “Well, I like a good story.”
“What kind of story? How would you tell it?” I’d ask. And get a shrug. I mean, they’re kids, even if they’re legally adults. So, I’d tell them, “I can help you with that.” Then I’d proceed to tell them what they’ll learn in the upcoming semester to get them on that path that beguiles them.
Point out to your student what they’ll be doing in their upcoming school year to take a step toward their dreams. Child Mind says, “For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them.”
But keep it real. My problem in heeding my classmate’s advice was that I liked everything I joined, so much so that I would usually be tagged to be one of the club officers. And it would occasionally impact my grades, which, my parents pointed out, would impact my ability to attend college. So, I tried to dial it down…at least until I took my last math requirement.
I actually had help for that one – our school had advanced math students from the National Honor Society help tutor the younger ones. My parents made it clear that there was no shame in getting help. It didn’t mean you were dumb, it just meant that you recognized the need for extra assistance. To not get extra assistance when you need it would be dumb, they assured me. Right again, Mom and Dad.
With my own kids, I reached out to a tutoring program offered through our church. I swear that’s how my kids got through math and Spanish.
When they were very young, and my job started at 3:30 AM with me home by noon, I volunteered as a class assistant once or twice a week. Teachers appreciated the aid, and the insight it gave parents, and it helped me bond with them enough to learn what they needed from parents in educating their kids. One teacher told me one of my kids would occasionally be hyper in class. Then I discovered she was using candy as a “reward” with assignments. My kids never had soda or candy on a daily basis and would have huge sugar rushes when they did get it, so I asked her to skip the candy for my kid. Teachers don’t know these things if you don’t tell them.
It’s also helpful if you’re part of a parent support group for your kid’s school. Not only can you assist the school you can assist yourself and your child. It’s helpful to learn from parents of older children how to navigate the school’s system, find assistance, and talk to teachers. The time to get involved is before your student starts class. Again, do a little research, and find out when the group meets and how to become part of it.
So, there’s your early prep for the semester. It’s not just the kids who are going back to school.