It’s always a kick for me to watch kids and moms interacting in clothing stores. You get everything from the eyeroll to the thumbs up – or down. I sympathize, even as I surreptitiously snicker.
There are no words that scare me more than my daughter asking me to go shopping with her. Because if I point to something or, heaven forbid, carry an item over to her while she’s trying something on, it’s a hard no immediately.
My son, on the other hand, would just say, “thanks, Mom” and let me buy the item. And never wear it. Except for socks, shoes, the occasional jacket, and underwear. All stuff he rarely bought for himself. In fact, I would make a point of getting him those items for Christmas, and I swear he always looked relieved when he unwrapped them, because, as he would put it, “half of my old ones have holes in them now.”
I would rarely take him shopping because he didn’t like trying stuff on. I’d ask him what he needed, what he wanted, and went from there.
My daughter, on the other hand, needed me to see everything she tried on, give my opinion on how it fit and looked on her, and resolutely ignored my comments. It took me a few years to figure out I was there to purchase for her and approve what she wanted, not to be a consultant.
By age 3, most kids can handle the basics of getting dress, according to parents.com, so it’s not a big surprise that they’d have their own ideas of that they want to wear. The more power you give your child to dress herself, the less likely it will be that you’ll be dealing with her walking around without pants on. Experts suggest you give your toddler dictators a whole lot of choices about things that don’t matter to you. Like, "Would you rather wear your blue sweater or your red one?" I stopped offering clashing prints as part of the selection, because sure as anything, they’d pick the striped pants with the checkered top in a clashing color. (I swear they’d grab orange and purple because I hated that combo.)
At some point, you need to make your child understand that they cannot have Hannah Montana’s closet. There must be limits on what they can choose for their wardrobe. Halfway through high school, I started doing the budget thing with my kids. We’d hit a mall – with both son and daughter – and I’d buy myself a magazine and cup of coffee and hang out in one of the lounge areas, after handing a certain sum of cash to each kid. They were instructed to choose and buy their back-to-school items. Please note, neither child was naked at the time, nor likely to outgrow what was currently in their closet in the near future.
My son would finish his shopping and ask if he could keep the change. My daughter would come back in a panic – nothing purchased yet – and ask if she could have more money, because there were ten pairs of pants she absolutely “needed” and four pair of shoes. And a really cool jacket that cost most of the sum I had handed her. I told her she had to make choices. She was not happy with me.
Despite the potential for a verbal explosion, having the responsibility for paying for his or her own clothes is good for kids, according to familyeducation.com. It teaches them how to budget, how to prioritize, how to seek value in the items you choose. My son actually prefers to make his purchases online, because he can get a better deal during special sales they offer…and he knows they have his size.
Before the zany trip to the store starts, you might want to have them check their closets to figure out what fits, what doesn’t, and what repairs need to be made. Check their sizes. Then make a list of what they really need. This will keep them on task as they roam through the aisles, and not get distracted by that sweatshirt featuring their favorite band. You might even have them do some online pricing, to figure out how far they can stretch that clothing allowance.
Some parents may feel that the kids need to pay for their own clothes once they hit their teens, and should get a part-time job to do it. That’s your call. But you know what it costs to clothe yourself, so you may want to double-think sticking them with the whole tab. On the other hand, you may opt to pay for the big ticket items, like coats and shoes, and let them handle the smaller stuff. And if they want beyond the basic wardrobe, that’s when they’re on their own.
Don’t get sucked in by the “but I NEED one of these….so-and-so has one, and so do all my friends.” There’s a lot to be said for being the trend setter, not the trend follower. That said, if the kid’s paying for their own stuff, it’s kind of hard to play wardrobe police with their selections. Scarymommy.com says realize that supporting your child to make choices about clothes they like and feel comfortable in is one element of teaching them to respect their bodies – and their preferences.
A few quick tips for money-saving when it comes to kids clothes shopping: clothing is cheapest toward the end of the season. Wait til stores start clearing out inventory if you want to snag some deals. Yes, we’ve all heard of the back-to-school sales and Black Friday sales…but not everything in the store gets marked down. In fact, when I’ve shopped, I’ve discovered a lot gets marked UP to even out the profit level.
Personally, the best deals I used to get as a kid would be when my cousin, Pam, would be clearing out her closet. I’d get all of her hand-me-downs, since she was three years older than me. My aunt had great taste, and Pam was very careful with her clothes. I remember, though, when she hit puberty and she got a really great coat one Christmas, and she grinned at me and said, “You’re not going to get this one!”
My clothes were always passed on to my sister…until she grew taller than me. But Mom made a lot of our clothes. If fact, she’d drag me and my sister and a couple of her sewing friends and their daughters to a couple of fabric stores a few towns away about a month before school started. We got to pick out the fabric we liked, and the pattern we liked. And our outfits were guaranteed to fit.
Sometimes they may have a favorite pair of pants that, under the bright light of their closet, suddenly look faded. I’m a big believer in reviving that fade. I’ll use a dye in the same color and let their favorite item sit in it for a few hours, before throwing it in the dryer. Instant new look! And I should know, since I have five pair of favorite pants of my own that I do this with twice a year.
My son came over once and asked what was in the pot, and I told him. He looked at me like I was nuts. Then I pointed to the jacket I was wearing, and one of those favorite pair of pants I was wearing with it. “Do they look like they go together?”
“They look like an exact match,” he admitted. “Did you dye those, too?”
Yep. It’s hard to impress a 20-something, but he was impressed. Moneycrashers.com says getting your kids to look at their older clothes in a new way can help them feel less inclined to shop for new things. Take a look at basic staples like white T-shirts and black slacks, and figure out how they’ll look with newer pieces.
Don’t be afraid to take the kids to vintage stores to shop. (Guess what they’ll be doing when they’re on their own!) You’re likely to find “gently used” brand name clothing for much less than you would pay for new. There are also online marketplaces that sell gently-used clothing as well.
Not as sexy an experience, I know. My mom would always alternate between discount and vintage and high-end, because she was always scanning for sales. I remember when I first did my own clothes shopping and I came home with a perfect, classic, chic, white blouse that I bought for eight bucks at Lord & Taylor. I was thrilled, and Mom was kind of proud that I scored a deal after taking her advice.
Some day, your kids may feel the same way after taking YOUR advice.