GO TELL MOM ep 13 – Growing a Sense of Humor
My mom loved reading Erma Bombeck when I was a kid. “Laughter is the best medicine” was one of her favorite phrases. She’d share her favorite Erma quips with me, and it was a bonding moment for both of us. Slice of life humor was something treasured in my childhood. Phyllis Diller, Carol Burnett, Della Reece…all Mom’s faves. But Mom also watched Laugh-In and Flip Wilson with me as we both grew older. All of that helped develop my sense of humor.
Parents don’t realize how much impact their laughter has on their kids. Lexi Moorhouse says in Medium.com that comedy influences the development of children’s characters and their confidence with social connection. Kids who are funny tend to be popular – as long as their humor isn’t misplaced.
Lots of kids start to develop their humor with pranking, but there’s a difference between pranking and bullying. Making another kid feel bad with a prank like supergluing their favorite shirt to the back of their seat – not a good thing. But having them blow a slide whistle that sounds like a raspberry – heck, even the pranked kid is bound to giggle. Theconversation.com says pranking done well can be a sophisticated social interaction and you can both equally get a laugh out of it. Laughter should always be about the situation, and not about the person.
Psychologist Rod A. Martin says humor is a valuable mechanism for coping with stressful life events and an important social skill for initiating, maintaining and enhancing satisfying interpersonal relationships. It can also be used to get parents through stressful times with their kids while teaching them life lessons. I love the suggestion in health.usnews.com that has a parent creating a jingle for when the
kid is acting unsuitably on in a rule-breaking way. They say use it often, and it kind of becomes a family joke…which will probably annoy the hell out of the kid who’s the target for about five seconds…and later become the stuff of family legend when introducing new friends in their grownup years.
We're not all naturally funny, but acting silly eases tension simply because your kid was expecting something else: your anger, a stern warning or a stiff punishment. Research shows kids’ social and intellectual development can be improved and enriched when they are exposed to a regular, structured, and appropriate use of humor by their parents. When my sister was really little, Dad used to do the “I got your nose” routine, which, of course, she copied an tried on the rest of us…which became part of the family legend that we shared with OUR kids.
Using humor with your kid helps you as a parent become more playful. Humor brings perspective – you don’t need to sweat the small stuff. And it helps kids learn not to take themselves too seriously. Scholastic.com says parents who use humor create an atmosphere in which it is okay to make mistakes. Do you know anyone who has learned anything worthwhile without making a mistake? Those parents who laugh their way through their kids’ faux pas also establish a positive learning environment.
Okay, so you’re not a standup comic. You don’t have a running routine you can launch into on the drop of a dime. It’s alright. If you drop a plate, crack a joke: "I didn't like that plate anyway." Do a staring game with your kid and make goofy eyebrow lifts. If wakeup time triggers your kid’s inner demon, walk into his room
with a lampshade on your head. Yes, the kid will laugh, and you’ll be giggling, too….which sure as heck beats yelling or having to dump water on his pillow.
Taking the humorous approach does take some effort…but it’s worth it for both you and your kid. People with a sense of humor tend to be viewed as trustworthy, dependable, kind. They also more easily form and sustain relationships. Humor additionally teaches kids to be aware of other’s feelings, because children learn to adapt humor according to how other people respond to it. Do you doubt it? Watch your kid tell a knock-knock joke that everyone’s heard before.
Kids can actually start giggling at 40 days of age, according to parentscanada.com. Docs suggest you don’t suppress that giggle tendency. Play peek-a-boo with your baby. Do the knock-knock jokes when they’re six, and let them come up with a twist. Show your kids that you’re cultivating your own sense of humor by hitting the humor section in the book store or the library…and bringing them with you. Appreciate their humor when they graduate to puns. My dad was the punmaster with me…and later with my kids. Have your kids create a scrapbook of things they find funny. It will help them feel confident in that part of their identity. Gee I’m a person who can be funny! Just make sure it’s not at the expense of someone else.
So, is laughter really the ‘best medicine’? The research is not exhaustive, but it all tends to point toward humor having the effect of relieving stress. That gives your immune system a boost, along lowering your blood pressure. Your kids will definitely prefer it to a dose of castor oil.