GO TELL MOM ep 14 Socializing on the Web
When I was a kid, there was no YouTube or Facebook or TikTok or Instagram. If kids wanted to send a message to another kid, it was usually a note passed in class. And occasionally caught by the teacher. I know this from experience. Now, kids as young as 8 are “passing their notes” through social media, according to the New York Times. In fact, there was a 17 percent increase during the pandemic.
My own kids had barely hit Facebook’s minimum age limit of 13 when it started to take off among their peers. (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Snapchat still have that minimum age limit, even though younger kids may have phones.) My rule with my kids was your password is my password – in other words, I have to be able to get into your social media account. My biggest fear was that they’d be bullied, even by kids they didn’t friend. If that was happening, I wanted to know, so I’d peek on their pages to make sure everything was okay.
Facebook was their newspaper in a way…they’d post pictures of their friends and classmates at events, games and shows, and congratulate everyone on whatever benchmark they’d hit. For the most part, there wasn’t much to worry about.
Of course, there are plenty of anti-Facebook folks who will tell you it’s now a dying platform, but it’s still on everyone’s phone, and it’s still considered the biggest of the social media platforms. TikTok and Instagram have more traction among teens at this point, and YouTube is becoming a big player. But the question is….is social media good for our kids?
Both of my children – who are in their 20s now – have deleted most of their social media accounts. They don’t want the drama. And I suspect they’ve been hurt once or twice along the way, especially after they hit the age where Mom let them change their passwords.
Social media has become a big part of creative and social life for pre-teens and teens, according to RaisingChildren.net. “Pre-teens and teenagers use social media to have fun, make and maintain friendships, share and learn interests, explore identities and develop relationships with family. It’s an extension of their offline and face-to-face interactions. For older teenagers especially, it’s often a key part of how they connect with friends.”
Think about it. Most kids have packed schedules, between classes, clubs, sports teams and recitals. If you’re a kid and you don’t have another kid’s phone number so you can text, you CAN get a hold of them by a social media account. That’s handy if there’s a schedule you both need to meet, and you misplaced yours. (My kids’ schedules were always pinned on the refrigerator door. I have since been told that’s not cool by those same children.) It’s also handy if you have questions about homework or an assignment.
On the flip side, there’s the creative element kids can indulge in….putting together a montage of backstage photos from a school play, or a video of someone taking the winning shot at a basketball game. Teens will share those photos and videos on their pages. In fact, I used to shoot a lot of video for my daughter’s lacrosse games, and the other parents appreciated when I posted it.
Psychologists say social media can help kids feel like part of the pack because they can meet others like them and build relationships they might not otherwise have. That’s particularly helpful for kids who feel marginalized because they’re from racial, ethnic, and gender minorities. Not feeling alone can be an important part of growing up. But it may get them addicted to their screens.
The American Psychological Association says when kids hit puberty, they begin to crave social rewards, such as visibility, attention and positive feedback from peers. And they don’t know when to stop feeding that urge. New research shows over 50% of teens report at least one symptom of clinical dependency on social media. Yeah, that doesn’t sound dangerous at all! APA members recommended Congress require social media platforms to develop tools to disable particularly addictive features for youth.
RaisingChildren.net points out that when teens and tweens are online, they can be exposed to too much targeted advertising and marketing. They can also be exposed to inappropriate, embarrassing or violent content from folks who are NOT kids. And then there’s the issue of cyberbullying. That’s defined as intentionally hurtful messages, spreading rumors, sending images or videos to embarrass someone, or using fake profiles to embarrass or intimidate someone. When I was a news director in Iowa, there were six kids who had been bullied online…and took their own lives. RaisingChildren.net suggests creating a family media plan with some written guidelines so that if kids are bullied, they know they have backup.
Part of the guidelines should include not sharing personal information like phone numbers or birthdates on their profiles or in quizzes online. Also stress they need to block and report people they don’t know who post upsetting content, and accept friend requests only from people they know. Most of all, they should talk to a trusted adult if they see something that upsets them. Some counselors suggest setting screen limits as part of their family tech plan. Depending on the age, perhaps younger kids can watch YouTube only when a parent is in the room with them, for instance.
As far as what they post, parents should stress the importance of thinking before posting. Do not upload or share inappropriate messages, images and video, and ask their friends if it’s okay to post before they post pictures of them. That’s just common courtesy.
One more point to share about social media posting…it’s hard to get rid of. If you post something unkind, inappropriate, prejudicial or slanderous, you might find it bites you in the butt when you grow up.
Lara Neves from overstuffedlife.com points to a group of students who had their acceptance offers to Harvard rescinded because they created a private Facebook chat where they exchanged inappropriate memes with each other. Harvard found out about it. Uh, yeah…you know, the school where Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook. Neves adds, “We are handing phones to 13 and 14 year olds because we want to keep track of them. Yet we are forgetting that we are handing a pretty powerful little device to a teenager with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that forms judgments, weighs decisions, and controls impulses.”
One of my broadcasting mentors, Mike McVay, says he ALWAYS looks through the social media profiles of the people he’s considering hiring or recommending to clients. It’s not safe to be cavalier about what you post. Plenty of adults have learned that the hard way.