GO TELL MOM s2 ep3 – The Parent-Teacher Conference
It’s the memo every parent dreads…being called in for a parent-teacher conference. And believe me, the teachers dread it as much as the parents, in some cases.
Now, there are the “check-up” conferences, where the (very relieved) teacher tells the (very relieved) parents how well their student is doing during the term. Some parents are delighted to learn their child has acquired new skills, or unveiled talents they didn’t realize they had. The teacher in that case generally encourages the parents to encourage the newly-recognized trait, and has a few suggestions on how to do that.
In some cases, that’s great. Joey could be a budding writer. Casey could be a budding musician. Teri could be the next Steve Jobs. Parents who have the financial wherewithal can follow the trail the teacher suggests. Parents who don’t have the finances for more training or schooling now get to be anxious about their kid losing opportunities. Yeah, not a good time for all, even with good news.
But it doesn’t have to be stressful. WGU.edu says parents can be valuable allies in helping students achieve their best, and meetings are a great way to forge those bonds.
Both sides being open and flexible helps. And it’s important that the parents know when the conferences are happening, which means parents – and teachers – need to be proactive. Nancy Barile from WGU says the same student who may have trouble on his math exams may be secretly adept at hacking into his dad's smartphone and deleting a voicemail. Repeated communication is occasionally necessary.
What do you do if there’s a problem with your child learning? In most cases, you can work with the teacher on an action plan for your student…one that clearly lays out the specific steps that the teacher, the parent, and the student will need to take in order for the student to be successful. For instance, if Gabriela doesn't complete essays because she has a difficult time writing introductions, her written action plan should include an agreement that she'll notify you when she needs help. And you let the teacher know, and have the teacher meet with her to provide assistance. You as a parent will make sure that she spends time at home crafting her essay.
Communication between you and the teacher is crucial to your child’s success in class. Make sure your child’s instructor knows the best way to reach you, and you know the best way to contract the instructor.
Keep in mind that your kid is just as anxious about this conference as you are. Lauren Fry from readingrockets.org points out that the parent-teacher conference brings together the most powerful adults in a child’s life…and they’re attention is on that child. Yeah, it’s unnerving for a kid.
Sometimes it’s also unnerving for a parent. My mom told me – years later – that the first time she walked into my first-grade classroom and greeted the teacher, the teacher gave her a rueful smile and said, “Oh yes. Dianna’s my challenge for this year.” Uh-oh. Seems I had a million questions about everything…and I wasn’t all that great about waiting my turn to ask them. Not the worst problem for a teacher, but one that both my teacher and my mom wanted to nip in the bud.
Sometimes the problem is easily solved – raise your hand and don’t interrupt. I got used to launching my hand in the air. Which came in handy years later when I was a reporter.
But what if it’s a tougher problem…the student isn’t engaging in class, or paying attention to transitions to other activities? The National Association of School Psychologists suggests asking the teacher questions, such as “how long has this problem been going on in class?” or “on what sorts of assignments do you notice this?” Maybe other kids in class are having the same difficulties. It could be the problem can be solved easily. While teachers may not have enough information to figure out why a student is having problems, they can usually make accurate comparisons with other students, and their concerns should be taken seriously.
Greatschools.org says if the teacher aims at issues your child is having at school, take a deep breath, listen and gather your thoughts. It can be overwhelming to find out that your child is struggling to keep up with others and may need extra help outside of class, or is having behavior issues. But working with the teacher to find solutions can make it feel like a productive session…and make both you and the teacher feel more invested in your kid’s education.
Some parents worry that if they tell the teacher about an issue their kid is having in class, the teacher will think they’re criticizing her — or that they’ll get their child into more trouble. Psychologists suggest using an “I” statement to avoid putting the teacher on the defensive…such as, “I’m concerned about my child. She tells me everyone is teasing her.” Share information that you feel the teacher should know about your child, to help the instructor know how to deal with the student. If you know that your kid would be more attentive if she’s sitting closer to the teacher, let her know. The more you can do to gently help the teacher get to know your child better, the easier it will be to solve the problem together.
And hey, you should get to know your child’s teacher better, too. Treat the instructor as a person. Is the teacher artistic? A former computer tech? These are all good things for you to know, and they can give you some insight into the way the teacher instructs your child. Take time to point out the good stuff in your parent-teacher conference. Express appreciation that the teacher is concerned enough to bring up problems to be addressed, and tell her about the good things she’s doing with your child. It will help the three of you build a great learning relationship.