GO TELL MOM s2ep4 Imaginary Friends
When I was a kid, my parents told me I had a very active imagination. They would be scrunched at the end of the kitchen table to make room for my friends. Who they couldn’t see. This went on for a chunk of my early childhood…at least until my siblings were old enough to join us at the table.
Allie Volpe of The Atlantic says make-believe companions can teach children more than just how to play pretend. Kids learn how to tell stories centered around their imaginary friends. My parents were pretty good about asking me questions about their unseen dinner companions. I’m sure it made for some lively conversations.
Imaginary friends can be based on someone your child already knows, a storybook character, or even a soft toy. We had Jesus and Mary joining us a few times at my kitchen table when Mom was reading me Bible stories. RaisingChildren.net says these friends may come and go, and might exist only in certain spots, like in a cubby house or at the kitchen table. And as quickly as they’ve appeared, they can disappear.
Kids usually stop playing with their see-through friends when they’re ready to move on to the real deal. But in the meantime, the imaginary friend has a number of qualities that appeal to a young child. They may be great listeners who don’t judge the kid for complaining. They may be able to do things your kid can’t do. The fact that your child determines what the make-believe friend says or does can be appealing to a kid who doesn’t feel like they have control over anything. Imaginary friends give you insight into your kid’s inner world - their likes, dislikes and tastes. Raisingchildren.net says ids with make-believe friends might be more imaginative and more likely to dig into magical stories.
Dr. Laura Markham says in GoodHousekeeping.com if your child starts to prefer imaginary friends to real ones, that’s a red flag. She says parents need to examine what is going on in that kid’s social world that prompts them to prefer make- believe to opportunities to engage with real kids. “Does the child have some social anxiety? Are they being bullied?” Markham adds, though, that kids who have imaginary friends are more skilled in what we call perspective-taking — they can see things from another person's point of view. So, they tend to be more social than other kids.
That doesn’t mean you have to go along with everything in the imaginary friend’s baggage. If the imaginary friend starts breaking things when no one is looking, or starts requesting dinner, you may have to set some ground rules. Don’t let the make-believe pal turn into your child’s way to exert massive control over your family. Make-believe friends are a problem when a kid blames bad behavior on the invisible friend. The kid needs to learn that they will be responsible for whatever the imaginary friend does.
Feel free to talk to your child about their see-through buddy, and about the difference between real life and pretend. Kids with vivid imaginations can be prone to fear and nightmares – I know I was. My parents loved The Twilight Zone, and it didn’t occur to them that while I loved watching the show, I’d be hollering later in my dreams. Reinforcing that scary creatures don’t exist in real life can be comforting.
Care.com says having an imaginary companion gives kids a risk-free way to experiment and negotiate social roles that they may not have the freedom to do in real relationships. Kids may also find it easier to talk about something that is upsetting them through their IC. Parents need to listen in on those conversations and then transition to asking the kid how they’re feeling about whatever topic the IC is sounding off on. It could help you understand something that’s really bothering your child. Sometimes it's easier for kids to reveal their feelings through a third party, and there's no reason to press them to take ownership of the feelings.
Parents.com says imaginary friends help kids with everything from problem-solving skills to emotional wellness. And it makes them feel empowered when they get to control the storyline.
You’re not alone if you find you have a kid with make-believe friends. Actually, two-thirds of kids have had an IC at some point in their childhood. In fact, Agatha Christie says she talked to one regularly as an adult. They can make great characters in an author’s stories.
Now let’s get some input from my friend and colleague, Dr. Sheri Waltz.