GO TELL MOM – Setting Schedules
It’s back to school in our neighborhood, and I’ve noticed a lot of parents looking stressed. A lot of kids, too! And a big part of that is having to restructure your routine.
Gotta admit, when my kids were public school age, I was NOT good at routines. I tended to structure things around my kids’ activities, not the other way around. And we all paid for it with extra stress. Because you’re supposed to have certain things done when you’re raising little people…like making sure they’re fed, they’re washed, they’re doing homework, they’re sleeping.
We did not do any of those things in a mannerly fashion. Someone always had practice, or rehearsal, or projects, or playdates. And I’d try to shoehorn the “things you have to do” around those other things. It was kind of like letting the inmates run the asylum.
Yeah, we needed some rules, BEFORE we said yes to the activities. Amanda Morin from Understood.org admits when kids don’t follow a routine, it can be frustrating. So, she suggests letting them get involved in setting up the rules. She says “When kids help create routines, they’re more likely to follow them.”
When kids have a say in what they’re supposed to do, it’s harder for them to say no to what’s on the schedule. It also helps them feel a little more secure about what they’re doing.
But you need to be realistic. Set a time frame that will actually WORK for them, and not stress them out. Do a run-through to see exactly how long it takes to do an item on the schedule. “If you need your child to get dressed, eat breakfast, pack up, and get out the door in the morning, try it on a day when you are not in a rush. If it takes 10 minutes longer than you planned for, go back and adjust it,” Morin advises.
That means setting priorities. Rushing to get the “extras” done can create bad feelings. Dialing them back can help ease that stress. Do you really NEED to wash the dishes right after dinner, or can you wait a little later? Are baseball practices cutting into homework time? Maybe reevaluate the reality of your kid playing for the Braves…especially if he doesn’t get excited about the games.
Alexia Dellner of purewow.com says flexibility is key in setting a routine for kids. Your schedule doesn’t have to be set in stone…but it should be consistent and predictable. Young kids especially get comfort and security from predictable routines.
If your kids are too young to make out words on a schedule, take photos and print them and cut them out and post them on a paper calendar you can stick on the fridge. Both Morin and Dellner stress the importance of writing down the routine.
Head Start’s Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center says kids feel in control of their environment when they can see a schedule and know what’s happening next. As kids grow, grow, they can follow routines, demonstrate emerging independence, and adjust to change more easily.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt for parents to be committed to that schedule, too. Kids kind of like to know that the folks who look out for them have to play by the rules, too.