GO TELL MOM – Mom Time
Somehow in the wake of a holiday, most moms really seem to need a breather. Organizing the house, planning festivities, buying-and-wrapping presents, shopping for and cooking meals….it all seems to land on Mom’s shoulders. But most moms aren’t getting that breather after the holiday, from the looks of a Motherly report.
They show research documenting that dads log 50 more minutes of relaxation on the weekends than moms. Riddle me this…who’s the one most likely to watch the kids or do housework on weekends? To grocery shop and put away provisions? Yep, it’s mom.
Part of the reason is that moms demand perfection from themselves in this day and age…and part of that, Motherly says, is societal pressure. My ex-husband offered, when the kids were little, to do the laundry…and was horrified when his new red shirt turned the whites in the wash pink. Or so he said. “I’m really not good at this,” he mumbled. Not that I noticed any pink clothes in his wardrobe when we were dating. But to keep harmony, the kids’ laundry became my responsibility…at least until they were old enough for me to show them how to use the washer and dryer.
But that’s not really healthy, head docs say. It tends to make moms resent dads over time…if not immediately. Let’s face it, if it’s Saturday morning and you’re the one running kids to practice and diving into laundry piles back at home while he’s got his feet up watching college football, it’s not going to go over well.
Motherly suggests putting together a list of what you do on the weekend, ripping it in half, and handing that other half to dad. Or, if you really want to be fair, add what he does on the weekend to the list and THEN rip it in half. Maybe he’s mowing the lawn for an hour while you’re doing a grocery run. Still goes on the list.
Part two of this is that you have to give up control of the task he grabs from the split list. I remember an episode of Roseanne where Rosie had heavy work responsibilities, and Dan needed to pitch in…so he did the dishes. And she was about to get on his case about leaving them out to dry because of spots, and her sister stopped her…saying she needed to hand control of the dishes over to Dan, spots and all. Nobody dies from spots.
Yeah, it’s tough when Dad’s idea of getting the kids dressed is drastically different from yours, but hey, it’s Saturday. You’re probably not the only mom whose kids are wearing a plaid and striped weekend outfit. Give yourself and your significant other a break and ease up on the kid fashion rules.
So, what would you do on a day (or even half day) off, Mom? Kim Raubenheimer from bostonmoms.com suggests reading a good book in a bubble bath…or taking some gal pals to a day spa, or even setting up a makeshift spa at home. Go for a hike and then go to lunch with a view. But plan it out. Make a date with yourself.
Jamie from brightlightmama actually does a spreadsheet of her time and plunks in me-time. She calls it a “domestic day” and she says she leaves her options open to do a few slow, lovely, recharging things, like reading books or baking bread. Learningresources.com suggests checking out a local art gallery and grabbing a bistro coffee.
Recharging is important for moms…it helps clear the mind and soothe the soul and make you feel like you’re not just a drone in the universe. It makes it easier to handle whatever the week will throw at you next. And if your daughter is anything like mine, it will make her realize that me time isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.
Coming up, my friend and colleague Sheri Waltz shares some tips on navigating Mom Time.