GO TELL MOM s4e5 – The “I’ll Do It Later Trap”
I wanted to talk about procrastination in this podcast, but I kept putting it off. My dad used to say I was a procrastinating champion.
When I was a kid, my mother was always nagging me to finish things – my homework, the dishes, organizing my closet. I just couldn’t seem to get it done in her timeframe. I’d like to say I eventually outgrew my procrastination, but even as an adult, I’d crave deadlines – and then creep up to them at the last gasp. I swear, that’s one of the reasons I went into radio: to make sure I had a finish line that I had to reach at a certain time.
I’d like to say I trained my kids to do better than their mom, but not really. In my daughter’s case, it’s usually that she wants to make sure that her tasks are done perfectly. HealthyChildren.org says perfectionist kids set unrealistically high standards for themselves, and then worry about failing. Hence, the reluctance to finish the job. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg suggests focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Do you like having your clothes that are in the same color hanging together, or would you rather see all the pants in a group, or all the summer clothes in one section? The process can actually be fun.
Of course, there are times when you have a not-fun task, like a science project. My daughter would find the easiest project to do because it’s not her jam, but my son would get jazzed, come up with this really creative idea, start working on it…and stall out. In his case, he’d finally recognize the enormity of what he’d chosen to accomplish and feel overwhelmed. Like the time he decided to make a camel for class in second grade, to explain how they saved water. We’re talking a paper mache camel about the size of a Great Dane. The night before it was due, I was helping him soak and wrap strips of newspaper around the frame he’d constructed, and then use a hair dryer to make it dry enough to paint. Fortunately he had a wagon to prop it in so he could when it up the street to school.
Kids frequently procrastinate on projects when they feel overwhelmed or are not clear on the instructions. Anna Levy-Warren says in Organizational Tutors says it’s all about breaking assignments into manageable pieces. Set up a schedule for the project. Figure out what needs to be done – like my son designing his camel, building his frame, then tearing paper into strips and dipping them in modge podge, then wrapping the frame, then drying the wrapped creature, then painting it the color of a camel. And when it’s done? Take a picture of the masterpiece and let him know you’re proud that he accomplished the task.
So why do parents procrastinate? (Because you know we do!) Gee, what a mystery. I’d tell myself I’d bring the clothes from the laundry upstairs to put away before I got to an editing project. And somehow that turned into reorganizing a drawer, checking email, and Googling something I absolutely did not need…
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Chasity Baugh from chattanoogamoms.com says procrastination isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a gentle reminder that sometimes we need a little time to breathe, to think, to gather our thoughts. When we leave something on the to-do list for a little longer than we’d like, we’re giving ourselves space to think about whether it’s something that really needs to be done today. Sometimes, it can wait until tomorrow or, better yet, it’s not as urgent as we thought.
Unless of course, it’s getting your tax forms in.
